


Words Unspoken Inside (and they Pull You Under)

by Catclaw



Series: Dirty Little Secret [36]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-21
Updated: 2007-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-13 06:46:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9111190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catclaw/pseuds/Catclaw
Summary: Based on the 'secrets' in the All American Reject's video for Dirty Little Secrets.This secret: Three years ago I tried to kill myself... Now people say I’m happy, but I’m notCan be (and in fact should be) read as a stand alone.





	

The stars in the skyline high above the city twinkled merrily, seeming to mock the poor souls down below in their apparent happiness. Superman hovered just below the balcony of a penthouse suite in one of the most expensive buildings in Metropolis, listening to the man inside puttering around.

A glass clacked down against a hard surface and the sound of pouring liquid reached his ears before the balcony doors slid open and the occupant stepped outside. Sliding further into the darkness to make sure he wasn’t seen Clark felt his heart clench in grief at all that he had lost.

*

Lex set his glass down and lent against the railings, staring up into the sky. Part of him hoped he’d see Superman flying past, it was the only time he could see Clark these days. Not that he was supposed to know that Clark was really Superman, but he’d been in love with the younger man for so long that he wasn’t fooled by Clark’s disguise. Though, Lex didn’t really call a pair of glasses a disguise, but the rest of Metropolis seemed fooled, even Lois Lane.

He sighed unhappily, wishing that things could have turned out differently between him and Clark but maybe it was better this way. Pain and grief for all that had been between them griped his heart, knocking back his scotch he glared at the stars and began whispering his sorrow to the night.  
“Three years ago I tried to kill myself.”

Three years ago his friendship with Clark had gone down the proverbial toilet and with it his desire to live. To this day the look on Clark face at Lionel’s trial still stung, the bitter words still tearing at his heart.

It had been Chloe, or so he had been told, that had found him unconscious and goodness knows how many pills swimming through his system. Not enough it seemed.

“Now people think that I’m happy... but I’m not. Every day that I wake up I think, ‘so I’m still here then’...”

He’d woken up in a hospital bed who knew how long later, Bruce standing beside his bed, a grim expression on his face. As soon as Lex had been well enough to leave the hospital, Bruce had taken him back to Gotham and, after yelling at him for being so stupid, the two had had many a heart to heart and finally feeling like he could face the world again, face existence, he had returned to Metropolis. There was no way he could ever return to Smallville.

The official reason for the move had been to set up his company, now that he was free from Lionel’s control, but the truth was that he was running away. Running away from his broken heart and the man that would forever own it.

Sadness filled every word that Lex spoke and he fought to stop the tears he could fill pricking at his eyes from falling. “I’ve always known that love was a weakness, I had that drilled into me since my mother’s death. So much so that I think I believe it. Look at where love got her, married to a man that didn’t know the meaning of the word.

“And even if Clark had of loved me back, I would only have destroyed him. Crushed that innocent spirit and generous heart that drew me to him in the first place. My love would kill the very person who taught me what it was...”

Lex stared down at the street far below him, watching the cars driving past. Life just had no point. A familiar desire stirred in him and he felt himself swaying forward.

“I’m the only one that Superman will never be able to save... No matter how hard he tries...”

*

When Lex had started talking Clark had frozen in shock at the deep regret and grief that had consumed every word that Lex had said.

The mention of Lex’s suicide attempt had come as no shock to him. Chloe had called him straight away and he had sat by Lex’s beside the entire time the older man had been unconscious, sick with worry.

Bruce had just looked at him with undisguised sympathy, a rare display of emotion for the businessman. Clark suspected that Bruce had known that his feelings for Lex had run deeper than friendship but had never said anything and then when it seemed like Lex was going to regain consciousness, he had slipped away.

“I’m the only one that Superman will never be able to save... No matter how hard he tries...” The self-deprecation and worthlessness in Lex’s voice brought tears to Clark’s eyes. Finally drawn out of his stupor, he flew up from under the side of the balcony, landing quietly behind Lex in time to see him leaning forwards.

* 

Strong hands gripped Lex’s hips and drew him into a warm embrace. Turning Lex stared in surprise into the beloved green eyes.  
“You shouldn’t be around me,” he whispered bitterly, “I’m ...” Whatever he was going to say was lost as Clark pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” Clark began quietly, his forehead resting against Lex’s. “I’m sorry that it’s got to this point. I love you, so much. I have done for a long time.” Now that he’d started talking, Clark didn’t think that he could stop. “And if you think you could still want me in your life after everything that’s happened between us...”

This time it was Lex’s turn to quieten Clark with a kiss. One that he had intended to keep light but long suppressed desire awoke within them both and the kiss deepened until the both drew away, gasping for air.

“I love you too.” It was barely a whisper, but Clark’s hearing caught it and he beamed at Lex and the sight of it caused Lex’s breath to catch. The younger man was truly beautiful and he was in completely in awe of the fact that Clark loved him. That the younger man felt that he was worthy of his love. Perhaps there really was going to be a happy ending for him after all this time.

Maybe their friendship truly was going to be the stuff of legends.


End file.
